Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Randomize
