you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
