I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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