how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
