I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
