Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
