He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
