i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
