You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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