I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
