i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
