My room smells like vodka and shame
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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