Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
be right there i have to get my cape
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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