There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
