Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
