I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
