winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize