The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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