Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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