guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
