Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
