be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
cat food counts as protein by the way
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Randomize
