Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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