so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
