There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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