what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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