You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
