Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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