turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
