'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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