Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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