she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
how drunk are you?
Several
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
