Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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