you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
