No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize