Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Randomize
