He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize