I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
