did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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