need another drink. this is the easiest way
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
