ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Randomize
