I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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