I could make wine with my vomit
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
