when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
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