so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
