I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
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