you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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