I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize