this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
