You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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