You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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