dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
