I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
