Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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