strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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