I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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