i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
