google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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