You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
