I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize