so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
