She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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