do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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