Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
