i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Randomize
