i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
