Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
