that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
