Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Randomize
