Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Congratulations! We have a period
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
