Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
