He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
My vagina just recognized that song.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize