Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
