Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
