One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
