I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
