I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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