Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You brought string cheese to the strip club
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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